Saturday, November 9, 2013

Be Careful When Discussing Your Problems at Church


In my personal encounter with a church tyrant, I see now where I went wrong. When things started to go crazy, I confided in my close friend. I told her how worried I was, and how this was hurting our family. I told her my husband was starting to lose his faith, so scandalized was he by what he had seen. She seemed sympathetic. As time went on, she was one of the few people in our community who was still approachable.

It was a very sad, confusing and trying time. We loved this particular church. It was our home away from home. We spent a lot of time there helping out, whenever we were asked, and attending the events geared toward young families. I was so grateful to have this oasis of faith, removed from the secular world.

However, I later realized the woman I confided in (always without mentioning specific names) was also, most likely, causing the trouble. How do I know this? The trouble didn't stop after we left this church. It trailed us like a demon we couldn't shake.

Then, one day, a certain situation unfolded. I could no longer ignore the obvious. That's when it dawned on me I was dealing with a very disturbed person. Once I distanced myself from her, all my various relationship issues ended.

The moral of the story is, if you are running into difficulties at church, be careful whom you confide in. It's better not to talk about it with anyone at your parish.

I've learned a lot about bullying and personality disorders. In every case, there is usually one person pulling the strings. He or she recruits others to do the dirty work, so you're not sure which direction anything is coming from.

People who like to abuse others will use any information you share with them, and they'll use it to discredit you.

Oftentimes, when they're creating chaos, they'll pretend to be your ally. Generally, we're able to see this treacherous dynamic only in hindsight.

Flickr photo top by filsinger

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