Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Role of the Enablers

As Christians we are called to forgive one another and even to love our enemies. Although this is a tough task when dealing with church bullies, we still have to do it. Anyone who abuses another desperately needs our prayers. So do the folks whom form the team of enablers.

These partners in crime are as guilty as the main instigator. There would be no bullying without them.

Because the bully gives the enablers a lot of power, they could decide to step in and stop all the commotion. The fact that they don't implicates them as well. The nature of any type of mobbing, whether it happens in the workplace, among a group of friends or even in church, is that there are multiple players, working together. It's the enablers who are responsible for the collateral damage, which is extremely devastating. That's because the target realizes that all, or most, of his or her so-called "friends" in this particular setting are not living up to that title.

Since there's so much blame to go around, I've found, it's easier to just forgive everyone. You can't direct your anger at just one person for long, because it's not just one person. None of this would have happened without the cooperation of many moving parts. Also, none of this would have happened if God didn't allow it to happen, for a greater good.

Of course, it's easier to forgive in hindsight, rather than in the heat of battle. But we need to always move toward forgiveness. Anyone who chooses to willingly hurt another, in God's house, are among the poorest of the poor. We need to keep reminding ourselves of that fact.

In case you begin to doubt that the enablers are guilty, put yourself in their position. What would you have done differently? The answer is probably plenty. These "innocent" bystanders missed many opportunities to help. Try not to pine for them, because they are not your friends. Forgive them all, but, if you begin to direct any anger at the bully, keep telling yourself that the enablers allowed it to happen.

To read about female malignant narcissists, please visit my Female Bullies blog.

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