Wednesday, July 2, 2014

God's Plan in All of This

When a church mobbing begins to unfold, it's hard to understand why this is happening and what good could possibly come from it. But God would never allow such a bad thing to happen without bringing a greater good from the whole experience. It might be for your benefit, as He'll use this situation to draw you closer to Him. Your prayers for the difficult personalities involved may be what gives them enough graces for them to convert. Anyone who abuses others is in great need of conversion, despite any displays of outward piety. They may look holy , but their bad behavior gives them away. If they can treat just one person with contempt, this can and will extend to others. If they don't love their neighbor, then they don't really love God either.

A big part of God's plan might be to lead you to another spiritual home where the environment is not toxic. Once a mobbing ensues, it means the atmosphere is irrevocably poisoned, at least until the chief troublemaker or troublemakers either convert or depart. Usually, it's their departure that brings peace. Conversion may take much longer.

Although you may be reluctant to leave a familiar parish, you may not find peace and happiness until you do so. Making the decision to change parishes is extremely difficult. Your new place of worship won't feel like home until you've been there for awhile. It almost reminds me of dying and going to Heaven. We fight hard to stay alive because life here on earth is all we know. But once we get to Heaven, our true home, I don't think we'd ever want to leave, and relive the pain and suffering we can't avoid in this life.

For a discussion of female malignant narcissism, please visit my Female Bullies blog.


  1. I've been reading up on this blog too, as I used to work for the church I find alot of angles that applies to my experience. Once I started to work at a new job in church, after being on maternal leave and moving to a new place. At the same time the younger priest was leaving her job. It was yet another female priest, not the one I'd mentioned earlier on, who happened many years later. But this priest who was leaving met me a few seconds when I was the first day at work. I never really met her ever again and she was very rude to me those few seconds. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't really say much. My jaw was busy dropping...

    Then the new priest arrived and she was very chilly against me, making snidy remarks, making fun of me and more or less in a small way bullying me around. I'm very used to such behavior from my upbringing and at school, so it was not fun, but I took it and cried a little bit in secret. After four years of this behavior, while at the end it eased up, the priest one day proclaimed she had a confession to make. I was very shocked to hear what she had to say.

    She told me she was very sorry for the way she had treated me these four years and that she knew she'd done wrong. She said that it was cause she had listened to the former priest and believed her in what she'd said about me. But after these years working with me she had seen nothing of what that woman had told her about me, so she'd realized it wasn't true. I then told this priest that I never worked with the former priest, and that she left just when I started. So - whatever nasty things she'd said about my poor work performance and incompetence must be lies, as how could she possibly know?

    It turned out that she had wanted another lady to get the job and was pissed the church board had votet to hire me instead. So it was her revenge - to lie about me!

    Anyways, that shows that those "holier then holy" are not so and might be very spiteful beings. And it also shows that a person can regret her sins and repent and ask for forgiveness, and that must be what is called getting enough grace to see what she has erred. I forgave her of course and love her dearly. All it took was her to see that I was not that horrible person she'd been mislead to believe and regret hurting me. That will never happen in my family of birth.

    Half that family enjoys hurting me and like I've mentioned it seems like many of the extended family do not either care for me. They've been filled with lies far too long, not only one lie at one time, like this priest had been, but many small lies over decades. So powerful is the destruction of evil, and all I can hope is that there is a few good people out there and that some will wake up before it's too late - like this priest did.

    Through the years I've gotten a few excuses like this, but they are very rare. I wish more could confess and make mends. I so wish to know that they don't believe the lies, and can see for themselves they were lies. Some have been close to confessing, but not really getting there. They might credit me, but wont say that they had listened to lies, nore that they regret believing these lies. They will just come clean that they think I'm ok, or admit to being envious and therefore acting out like they've done. There is truly many ways evil shows it's ugly face in human kind and it's very true that the longing to go Home gets strong every time I see it play out. Like I wrote in my diary as a little child - why are people so nasty to each other? Yes, why can't they be nice to people who's done them naught wrong? Why do they lie and make up stories and bring misery on the innocent? That is so very evil.

  2. Hi Ingis, I definitely want to keep both blogs going, because I want a place for people who've experienced narcissistic abuse at church to feel welcome. Since I'm Catholic, this blog is written from a Catholic perspective, but anyone is free to join in and comment. I hope people from all faiths feel comfortable here.

    It is terrible when this sort of behavior happens in a place of worship, for a number of reasons. One is that we expect better from the "holier than thou" crowd. Two, we tend to let our guard down at church, and we tend to trust fellow parishioners. Three, we often go to church to find a peaceful place to worship God. When it's clear that this isn't the case, then where do we go? The world certainly isn't going to give us the same peace that God will.

    These are horrible times we're living in. What a powerful story. Even though this second woman was obviously not a bad person, as was given the grace to change her ways, and ask for forgiveness it goes to show how people can be deceived.

    I'm sorry you've been through so much, with your family and with church people.

    God Bless you.